space and sunday mornings

This summer has been weird. I think weird is one of the only ways I can put it simply. Lots of time for thought and reflection, busy but not busy enough, planning and predicting, comfort and uncomfort. 

This morning I laid in bed at my parents house, feeling reminiscent of my childhood. But I laid there with my current, adult thoughts. Thoughts of everything I want to do in this upcoming "school year" and in the years beyond. 

I really hate that. "School Year". Why am I waiting for school to start back up to feel like I can do things again? Maybe because things are farther away than I am used to this summer. Actual distance and time distance. And during the school year things are close. Things are comfortable. I'm in a place where there is so much I want to do but don't know how to act on it. But which 'act' do I begin with? There are too many. It is overwhelming to sit alone and think about. And when I don't think about it, it's comforting to know I have all of these plans, thoughts, ideas. Maybe they'll all change. But they're there now. All I have to do is act on them.

I have many thoughts today.

Most of them are for the future. 

Planning.

What am I waiting for? 

An entirely different thought:

My mom asked me the other day to teach her about her iPad. She told me to figure it out because I'm young and more knowledgable of technology and once I figure it out, teach her. My response to her was to explore it and learn it herself because everyone's use for something may be different. I thought that was a common thought for all. To explore. And learn/teach yourself. We discussed it and maybe it is a generational thing. My generation is all about the picking it up quickly, discovering new things rather than being told how it's done. But I don't really know if I believe it's generational. I think we all should be exploring and learning constantly.

 By learning something on your own, you are more likely to be more creative with that something. There are no preconceived ideas about it. Because you're discovering it through the eyes of your own mind. Sometimes, I think, when we're taught we don't learn as much as we really can. We learn by doing. And exploring. Exploring every option that our own mind allows us. Maybe someone else comes up with other things. And society influences that completely. I wish it didn't.

I've been teetering on the idea of individuality. What is it, really? My struggle has been finding my own style (whether it be clothing, dance, writing, photography, the list goes on). And finding it without taking ideas of "what's cool" in the media. Art isn't only the hip and trendy photos continuously produced by "anons" on tumblr and instagram--although they are beyond enjoyable to look at and admire.  But admiring is different than taking. Influence is different than reproducing similarly. 

Ultimately, what I am asking myself is how can I take influence positively and transform my work into something truly mine.